Supporting your partner

Learn about ways you can support your partner in pregnancy and early parenting.

Your family's wellbeing in pregnancy and beyond

You and your partner are a team, and that's even more important when you become parents. There are lots of changes ahead, but you're in it together.

Your support plays an important role in your partner's wellbeing, and it's good for your baby too. For some partners that can feel like a big responsibility. But being supportive doesn't mean you have to fix or manage everything. Showing your partner you're there through the ups and downs helps them feel more secure and connected to you.

What your partner needs from you most is to:

be there for them
be consistent and open
communicate and listen with empathy and kindness
celebrate and share the good times
help them recognise when they might not be okay.

Ways to support your partner at home

Share the mental load – offer to do the tasks that your partner doesn't feel up to doing.
Find ways to keep your partner company – many parents say that talking about ways to stay connected has helped their relationship.
Check any visitor arrangements with your partner – you can decide together what works to support both your needs.
Spend quality time with your baby – they can get to know you on your own and this can give your partner a break.
Give your partner a chance for some time to themself – you could take the baby out for a walk.
Reassure your partner – notice what they're doing for your family and let them know you appreciate them.

One of the best things you can do is listen and ask if there's anything you can do to help if your partner has concerns.

The PANDA website has some more helpful tips on caring for your partner.

Recognising when your partner is not okay

It's common for mums to feel the baby blues within the first few weeks after your baby is born. They might feel teary, irritable and sad or lonely. It usually passes within a few days. If it's lasting longer than that, it could be a sign of perinatal mental illness.

If you notice your partner is starting to show signs that they're not okay, talk to them about it. Signs might include:

changes to appetite or eating
sleeping too much or not enough
losing interest in the things they usually do or enjoy
having less energy than usual
struggling with memory or concentration
changes to the way they connect with you and others – that might be emotionally, physically and socially.

These signs become concerns when they're more than just the normal tiredness and physical recovery related to having a newborn baby.

You can use the checklist on the PANDA website to help recognise when your partner might need a bit more support. Answer the partner and carer questions to check in with how they're feeling.

Talking about mental health

It can be hard to know how to start a conversation about mental health with your partner. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, but it's important to start somewhere. To help the conversation:

choose a time and place when you're both relaxed
make sure there are no distractions, like your phones or the TV
explain why you're concerned and tell them what you're seeing
don't try to diagnose what you think is the problem
listen to your partner – let them know you're there for them
reassure them that they're not alone
ask what you can do to help
offer to make an appointment with a doctor or someone they trust.

Try to be patient, sensitive, positive and encouraging. You could use phrases like:

'I can see this is a really hard time for you'
'I’m here for you'
'I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but things can get better'
'What can I do to help'.

Ask your partner what they need from you. It might be different from what you expect or assume. Try to be open and flexible to give them the support that will help them most.

Getting help for your partner

It's okay to get help for your partner as soon as you think they might need it. Many parents with emotional challenges often say they wish they'd talked to someone sooner.

Making the appointment for your partner can help make things easier for them. A good first step is to:

call your GP clinic
ask for a long appointment
say you might need a mental health plan or referral to a perinatal mental health specialist.

Sometimes it helps for you to be in the appointment as well, but sometimes it makes it harder for your partner to talk. If they want to speak to the doctor alone, give them the space they need.

It can also help to find out what support is available in your area. Find support in our service directory.

Your relationship

It's common for your relationship with your partner to change when you become parents. It's an adjustment for both of you and it's okay if that takes some time. There's nothing wrong with needing some help or guidance to keep your relationship on track. Read more about healthy relationships.

You can read about:

healthy relationships with partners in early parenting on the Raising Children Network website
communicating with your partner in the perinatal period on the PANDA website
maintaining connection with your partner after a baby on the Gidget Foundation website.

Looking after yourself

It's important to look after your own wellbeing as well as your partner's. If you're well, you can be a better support for your partner. When you're on a plane they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. It can help to think of your emotional and mental wellbeing in the same way.

There are lots of ways to care for your emotional wellbeing. It might help to read The Raising Children Network's guide for parents on looking after yourself.

Talk to your GP if you have concerns about your own wellbeing. They can help figure out if you might need further support and who you can see to help.

In a crisis or emergency

If you or your partner is having thoughts about harming yourself or your baby, or you feel unable to cope, call:

Last updated:: 15 September 2026