Common changes and challenges for dads and partners

Being a dad, co-parent or father figure is a special role. Learn more about your role and your baby.

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Adapting to life as a new dad

Congratulations on this new phase of your life. You have a unique and special role in your child's wellbeing from before they're even born. Your role as a dad is incredibly important for the development of your baby. Research tells us that if you're actively involved, your child will do better with things like adjusting to school, social situations, and self-esteem.

Many dads say they feel excited, happy and keen to see what their baby will be like. At the same time, they also feel a huge sense of responsibility. Dads sometimes say they're not sure what to do, how to help and how to care for their baby.

Here are some important facts to remember.

  • Having mixed emotions about becoming a parent is completely normal.
  • You're developing an identity as a dad, and that takes time.
  • If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure, remember a lot of dads say they feel that way.
  • Both you and your partner are learning about your baby and their development.
  • Good communication with your partner is important for your wellbeing, your family and your relationship.

The good news is there's a lot of information out there to help you feel ready in your new role as a dad.

Your wellbeing is important

The perinatal period is the time before and during your pregnancy, and the first few years after your baby's born. It's common for all parents to go through a lot of emotional changes during this time.

You might see your needs as less important than your partner and baby, but it's really important to look after yourself. If you're well, you can be a better support for your partner. When you're on a plane they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. It can help to think of your wellbeing as a dad in the same way.

Children's Health Queensland's taking care of dad video talks about managing some of the thrills and challenges of new fatherhood.

After watching this video, think about how your journey into parenthood is going.

  • What are the types of things you're worrying about?
  • If you're feeling worried, how much is it affecting your daily life?
  • Is there anyone in your life that you trust enough to talk to about it?

Working through any worries you might have can help your wellbeing.

Give yourself permission to take a break. Try to find small chunks of time to meet your own needs. Taking 10 minutes to do something relaxing that you enjoy can make a difference. Little bits of time add up over days, weeks and months. When you and your partner do this, you're teaching your baby it's okay to take a break and look after yourself. If you're both happy and well, that will help your baby develop.

Ways to get involved with your baby

As a new dad, it can be hard to know where to start with caring for your baby. Try not to compare yourself to other parents or dads. You need to find your own way and work out what's good for you and your baby.

Getting involved right from the start is really good for your baby, and your family's wellbeing. Every interaction you have helps your baby's brain develop. Some dads say going to a local playgroup can help with ideas to play and interact with your baby. You can find a local playgroup on the Play Matters website.

Adjusting to your role as a dad is a journey and takes time. You wouldn't start a new job and expect to know everything on day one. You need time to get to know your baby and redevelop your relationship with your partner as parents.

Sometimes it helps to look at a manual. You don't have to do it all, just pick the bits that work for you.

There are some useful guides for dads in the:

You can also sign up for SMS4Dads or SMS4DeadlyDads and get free text messages that include support and tips for new dads.

If you feel overwhelmed and aren't sure what to do, here are some more tips to get you started.

Tips during pregnancy

  • Talk to your baby – they'll love to hear your voice
  • Read them a book – they're listening even though they're in the womb
  • If you see a foot, head or elbow poking out of mum's tummy, tickle it – this will be a nice sensory experience for them
  • Sing a song or play an instrument – it doesn't matter if you're musical or not, music helps develop your baby's brain
  • Hug your baby while you hug your partner – the warmth they get from this will help them feel connected to you.

These will all help you bond with your baby and help their brain develop. They're learning to associate comfort and safety with the sound of your voice.

The more time you put in building those connections in the womb, the easier it will get after they're born. If they've already learned to feel safe with you, it'll help when you want to:

  • soothe them while they're crying
  • help them fall asleep
  • spend time with them away from mum, like going for a walk or taking them to the park.

When your baby is born

  • Have a go, you don't have to be perfect – being present and trying counts for a lot.
  • Doing something differently from your partner doesn't necessarily make it wrong – if you disagree about ways to do something, talk about it.
  • Try different ways of holding your baby and find a spot that's comfy for you both – you'll eventually find your own 'cuddle groove'.
  • Smile at your baby – when you smile it makes your baby smile.
  • Hold your baby about 20 cm from your face and they'll try and copy your facial expressions – babies love exploring faces.
  • Try getting down on the floor to do tummy time with your baby or lie next to them on your back – see the world through their eyes.
  • When they're upset, pick them up and give them a cuddle – even if they don't settle straight away, you're helping them to calm their nervous system and feel safe.

Crying is the first way your baby communicates with you. It's their way of letting you know they need something. But sometimes they'll just be upset and cry for a bit, even when you try to settle them. It's important to know that you don't need to try and fix everything.

Part of learning your role as a dad is to soothe them while they're upset. It can be hard to listen to them cry, but if you keep holding them, they learn that you're there to support them through tough times.

Challenges many dads experience

For many families and dads, unexpected challenges can arise during pregnancy and after the baby is born.

External challenges include:

  • birth trauma impacting dads and partners
  • early unexpected delivery and baby needing intensive care
  • partner developing unexpected mental health issues
  • feeding and sleeping issues needing help from a health professional
  • getting conflicting or misleading advice from friends and family about how to care for your baby.

Personal challenges include:

  • an increase of frustration or irritability
  • feeling sidelined or unsure of the right way to help
  • reflecting on life before the baby came, like changes in finances, less free time, changes in sleep
  • feeling worried about connecting with your baby
  • lack of confidence caring for your baby
  • change in roles and relationship
  • change in identity
  • feeling a weight of responsibility to fix everything or provide for the family
  • visitors when you're not feeling ready
  • changes to relationships and intimacy.

If you're feeling any of these things, it's a great idea to talk to someone. It can be your partner, a friend, someone in your community, or a health professional.

There's also some helpful advice on navigating these issues in the:

You can sign up for Queensland Health's Connecting2u text service for parents. It includes tips on emotional wellbeing and self-care, as well as advice on bonding with your baby.

Think about some of the things you could do to help manage these challenges before they happen.

After attending a session with a clinician, one partner shared:

‘My attendance at this session has opened my eyes to all the different things that are involved in perinatal and infant mental health. It educated me on the effects of mental health on the parents during a toddlers upbringing.'

Signs you might need more support

If you're at all concerned about any feelings you're having, we know information is power and can help you make informed choices. Talk to someone you trust. Think about who that might be and whether they're nearby or far away. It could be a mate, an Elder, community leader or another adult you trust. If you feel comfortable reaching out to a health professional, they can help you understand and manage how you're feeling. They can also help you find the right support if you need it.

Talk to someone if you:

  • aren't feeling like yourself
  • have lost your appetite
  • have significant changes in your sleep
  • are feeling constantly stressed and anxious
  • are feeling numb
  • find yourself feeling irritable or angry
  • are arguing with your partner
  • feel like things are out of control
  • have lost interest in things you enjoy
  • are finding it difficult to concentrate more than normal.

The checklist on the PANDA website can help you check in with how you're feeling.

You can hear from a dad who is finding it hard to cope on the NSW Health YouTube channel.

Support options

It's okay to reach out for help. Small actions, like checking in with a friend, Elder or family member, or talking to a professional, can make a difference. Some things that might help are:

Find a support service near you in our service directory.

In a crisis or emergency

If you or your partner are having thoughts about harming yourself or your baby, or you feel unable to cope, call:

Last updated:
15 September 2026