Developmentally appropriate sexual behaviour in children

Knowing what sexual behaviours are developmentally expected at different ages helps caregivers, educators and professionals support healthy development and notice when behaviours may need further attention.

Below is an overview of some developmentally expected sexual behaviours and interests from birth to age 17—this list is not exhaustive.

These behaviours are typically part of healthy development. However, it is important to look at the context, how often the behaviour occurs, and its impact when determining whether a behaviour is concerning. Every young person is different and cultural or family values can shape how these behaviours are expressed and addressed.

0–5 years old

• Enjoyment of physical closeness—cuddling, hugging or stroking.
• Spontaneous genital touching as part of general body exploration.
• Removing their clothes to test independence or for comfort and sensory feedback.
• Curiosity about their own and others’ bodies, including genitals.
• Asking simple questions like ‘Where do babies come from?’ and about anatomical differences (male vs female).
• Occasionally rubbing their genital area without secrecy.
• Roleplaying adult relationships (kissing, hugging) as part of imaginative play.
• Using correct, incorrect or “simple” terms for body parts.
• Mutual, light-hearted exploration with similar-age peers without coercion, force or power imbalance.

6–9 years old

• Increased curiosity about body changes and reproduction.
• Asking more detailed questions about sex and relationships.
• Increased interest in anatomy books and school-based sex education discussions.
• Growing need for privacy and modesty.
• Exploring their own bodies more deliberately, often in private.
• Growing interest in sex-related words, jokes, humour and stories.
• Brief curiosity about peer or siblings’ bodies.
• Comparing body parts with peers in games (‘Show me yours, I’ll show you mine’) without force or shame.
• Playing games that involve kissing or roleplaying family dynamics.
• Using sexual language heard from media or peers.
• Interest in romantic ideas (cartoons, books about relationships).
• Exploring gender roles and identity.

10–12 years old

• Awareness of puberty and body changes.
• Asking factual questions about puberty and reproduction.
• Seeking information about sex from peers or media.
• More frequent, private self-stimulation with experimentation in technique and fantasy.
• Experimentation with online content and peer discussions about sex.
• Feeling sexually or romantically drawn to someone.
• Growing awareness of gender norms, sexual orientation and diversity of relationships.
• Experimenting with “simple” actions related to sex and boundaries.
• Imitating acts related to sex seen in media or overheard conversations.

13–15 years old

• Increased interest in sexual content and intensified sexual feelings.
• Self-stimulation and exploration of different techniques, often in secrecy.
• Romantic relationships with increased intimacy.
• Possible first experiences with sexual acts.
• Active seeking of facts about sex online or through peers.
• Exploring sexual identity and orientation.

16–17 years old

• Engaging in consensual relationships, including sexual activity with similar age peers.
• Exploring sexual identity and expression.
• Making independent decisions about intimacy and sexual health.
• Seeking privacy and setting personal boundaries in relationships.
• Using digital platforms for romantic or sexual communication.
• Self-stimulation in private remains typical.
• Solidifying personal values around sex, identity and intimacy.
• Discussing beliefs about sex and experiences with peers or trusted adults.