Friendships

The importance of friends

Friends are an important part of life at any age. Friendships can affect our happiness, self confidence and achievements. They can also:

• help us develop social skills
• teach us how to get along with other people
• help us learn different ways of understanding the world and the many different meanings we can make from life events.

Friendships change as people get older and grow and develop.

Making friends

When making new friends, you might like to think about how you’ve made friends in the past:

• Someone might have started up a conversation with you then become your friend.
• They may have had qualities that you really liked; maybe they were funny and made you laugh, so you wanted to be around them?
• They may have really liked your qualities; someone may have told you they trust you because you listen and care, and as a result they became your friend.

The kind of thoughts you have about yourself help you to be open to new people. Have you noticed that if you feel OK with yourself you are more likely to meet people than if you are really down on yourself? It's normal to be feeling nervous, but make sure you are kind to yourself!

Here are some other ideas that may help you make friends:

• being friendly
• smiling and acknowledging people
• starting conversations
• being interested in others
• being a good listener when others talk
• giving others compliments (but you have to mean it)
• looking confident and being OK with yourself
• having a sense of humour and being able to have fun
• having helpful self talk that is encouraging and patient

Making friends is an important part of developing your independence and getting a sense of who you are as a person.

Difficulties making friends

Often the thought of making new friends can create feelings of self consciousness and uncertainty.

Although there are lots of different ways to make friends, sometimes people do or say things that can make it a bit harder. Some of these include:

• being shy and avoiding eye contact
• people confusing your shyness with being unfriendly
• talking about yourself too much and not being interested when others talk
• being negative about things
• making fun of people or putting people down
• telling yourself that there is nothing about you anybody would like

When things go wrong

Healthy friendships typically provide support, understanding and fun, and help to define individual beliefs and values.

When friendships don't go smoothly it can be a really stressful time. You might start to question yourself and whether or not you are OK compared to your peers. As well as this, not having friends can impact on self-esteem or achievements.

If you are having friendship concerns, or if you need to meet new friends, it can be helpful to find some other support or help to talk things through. You might want to consider talking to a person that you know and trust, such as a parent, teacher or a counsellor at Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, or use their web counselling or email counselling services.